For whatever reason, I’ve been chewing lately on the idea of financial security. Wondering what that means, mostly, “financial security”. What did Sterling Hayden say about it? “If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about”. Sterling Hayden. That dude lived a life richer than most in experience, in money and fame, and probably in failure too. His sentiment, although relatable, does not act as a salve for the hand-to-mouth artist, burgeoning business/start-up person, struggling student or anyone trying to embark on a voyage. Seems like the best time to make something happen would be once we finally had that little cushion of cash we’ve been chasing for awhile, or sitting on, depending on your circumstances. But Hayden advises us that once any inkling of comfort is gone, only then is the time right to set course.
I ascribe no judgement to anyone’s financial situation other than to say that I do agree with Lao Tzu when he said “amassing more wealth than one knows what to do with is like the boasting of thieves after a looting”. Besides that, you do you as far as I’m concerned. I say there’s nothing wrong with being a wealthy artist. Or a broke one. Or a right-in-the-middle one. It’s how you spend your resources- energetically, financially, all of it. I guess the point is that whatever your situation, if you’re a “creative” your goals should outstrip your means.
Before I spin this yarn too tight, I should distinguish what I think the difference is between “being comfortable” and “being content”. To me, being content means finding satisfaction in one’s life not via attachment or aversion; nor by chasing or achieving anything but by finding peace simply in what one’s experience is. Being comfortable, on the other hand (at least in my mind), is a state achieved via seeking or avoiding that results in the cessation of some sort of suffering, or the fulfillment of a desire. It’s the subtle difference between the feeling you get after eating (moderately) a simple meal you’ve made in a small but tidy kitchen, versus the comfort of being wined and dined all the way to a distended belly after a lavish meal at a real swanky joint that you payed for with your own hard won bucks. I can’t say if either experience is more or less valuable, but in my mind there’s a difference in the resultant feeling even if both imply satisfaction.
OK, so, financial security. I am a middle aged man now, so I think about this stuff. It’s weird. I swear was a young man not that long ago, not thinking about this stuff. My dad still calls me “kid”. But now, if memory serves me correctly with regards to what middle age means, and if nature stays the course, my life is half over more or less. From here on out my mind will deteriorate at a faster rate than it can regenerate. My body will atrophy faster than it can amass muscle, too. In a perfect world, I’ve got some time left on this planet but at some point “working” in the traditional sense becomes untenable. I had a 401k and some savings once but I burned it all up trying to prepare for a voyage. Now I find myself wondering if having a little cash around wouldn’t be the worst idea. Man, how would it be just to have a lil financial cushion to ride me and the ‘ol lady out on the sunset with? To not have to pay rent as septuagenarians? A life of leisure for at least a few years before we disintegrate…All that said, these are just ruminations. I don’t crave any of this stuff or worry too much about it. It’s weird and tumultuous in my head, but believe it when I say I’m content. But still there’s this nag…
To me, the idea of an artist, particularly a musician “retiring” is a foreign one. Especially if one were to hit some arbitrary financial goal. Retiring from touring, retiring from public engagements, retiring from a screwed up, cannibalistic industry is completely understandable, however. In none of those cases would an artist be giving up the drive or love of playing music. I should also say that retiring is distinctly different from quitting. But retiring from music itself is not a thing if you’re a Musician. You can’t quit your nature, if it is indeed your nature. Books like “Effortless Mastery” and “Free Play” ask us to examine our goals and our personal relationships with the music. Sit around enough thinking about this and you’ll know if music is something you truly love, something you’d just like to make a living at, or both. Or neither.
Retirement from the trades or from a lot of professions is sensible- at some point you’ve done your time, and society (or the government), or your financial planner or whomever has decided you can punch out and go home. And you’ll clean out your locker or office or shop or whatever and gladly go home to gleefully enjoy your remaining years and hopefully never have to worry about any of those forces that dominated the bulk of your adult time and attention ever again. But as a musician, in my mind, you play til you’re dead or til your body will no longer allow, whichever comes first. At least that’s how I feel now as a salty 40-something with a lot of piss and vinegar, and not much else (but I’m content, goddammit). I was talking to a fella that booked us at a real nice concert hall. He said he’d booked Booker T. Jones not that long ago, expecting him to show up with a small crew and maybe a nice SUV to shuttle from the airport. Booker showed up in a used Subaru and walked his guitar and amp into the venue just like the guy who got hired for a wedding down the street. The guy is 80 still hauling his own amps all across the country. I admire that, but part of my heart breaks too. Maybe it shouldn’t I don’t know. I’ll play music as long as I’m alive, Inshallah, but what if I decide someday I don’t want to do the touring musician kinda work anymore? Seen it happen, and I don’t fancy myself as particularly special. I’m trying to look at people I respect that have spent a lot more time than me working on a craft and trying to understand the calculus.
I guess I’d been thinking about how that would feel, being retired from touring. Some of my favorite artists slowly slinked out of the public eye, or Irish-exited but none of ‘em ever stopped “working”. They always created til the end or in many cases are still creating, just maybe not beholden to the public or any sense of commerce, or anyone or anything for that matter. My favorite dead artists made as much of whatever it was they were making as they could until they keeled over or they were somehow prevented from doing so. My favorite living artists continue to do that. Many stopped the endless road show and went on to help others create great works by contributing or producing. They learned other tricks and trades within the greater Trade. But they remained present and continued to be of service to the music, even if they’d fallen out of the public eye (whether they wanted that or not is for them to say).
I think the operative jargon here is “being of service”. A nice retirement isn’t necessarily about fulfilling all the material and experiential “honey-do’s” we’ve made for ourselves. It could and maybe should mean not having to do a damn thing you don’t wanna, especially with regards to your time-you’ll have earned that. But I think when we’re done “working” then other, sometimes more important work can commence. The work on ourselves, on the passion projects that are sure not to pay, a sense debt to a community we’d like to repay… Retirement from work or too much leisure time equals death for a lot of people. A sense of duty and service to your neighbors and humanity are probably a pretty big antidote to Sudden Retirement Death Syndrome. Also utilizing our time to better our own minds and hearts can do that. I know people who’ve been retired a long time and are real happy because they still engage with the world and do more of the things they’d always wanted to. Usually those things are simple- more time with friends and family, a nice getaway every once in awhile, and being of service in their communities. I know some older folks who haven’t engaged in most of those behaviors and they’re sad, by and large.
I have a blast pretty much every time I go on stage. I’m having a great time, living my dream. At this point in our career there is absolutely no guarantee of any substantial material gain, so choosing to have a good time is about the only thing I got. This engine runs entirely on faith and dogged determination alone. But whether our fortunes change or not, I don’t plan on retiring from music or ceasing to play in public for people. Something would have to drastically change between a very real “now” and that theoretical “then”. But as a guy who’s life is basically half over, I’ve seen tides turn some. I know everything is subject to change. Chasing dollars was not an urge innately borne in me, but it is something I did for awhile- never with much success, and certainly never with a banjo. That woulda been foolish. I chase something different now, that has almost nothing to do with cash although yes a few more greenbacks would be nice. Maybe the idea of having the temporal or financial comfort to rest if I wanted to is sometimes more beguiling than the contentment of knowing I probably wouldn’t even if I could.
Timing couldn’t be more perfect on this topic. Chris and I have been discussing something similar with regards to music and playing for $ vs own enjoyment.
The arts are so tricky to make a living at much less earn enough to afford retirement.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic.
Can’t wait to see you all again!